In the Therapist's Chair

An Old Woman Cooking Eggs

Velazquez (1618)

So, MrsM, why have you asked for an urgent appointment? I understand that difficult issues have arisen overnight - is that correct? From what you have said it is something to do with a spoon? I must admit I fail to see how a spoon could trigger an episode of panic leading to a major self examination. Let's take this step by step...the evening started normally - yes? You were cooking supper for your family - and a guest - nothing out of the ordinary. Your daughter and the guest set the table - stop me if you are starting to feel uncomfortable - and you all sit down. What happens at this point? You look down and what do you see? Calm down, MrsM, calm down and take it slowly. You see a spoon but it is not YOUR spoon. You always have the same spoon and somehow the wrong spoon has been set for you. Is there anything special about this spoon? Does it have magical powers? Do you have an unusually shaped hand that only this spoon will fit? No. It is clear to me that you are being unreasonable but your family have always humoured you. MrsM, I must tell you that you are old enough to be adaptable to a range of spoons and you need to face up to that fact so we will start immediately with cognitive behavioural therapy and hypnosis. Now...how are you getting on with the other little issue of drinking out of non blue and white mugs?

the madness of grief

The Light Between Oceans

M L Stedman

I loved this book and I think you will too. It is an accomplished debut novel which has had excellent reviews but I stumbled across it accidentally through an Amazon recommendation. M L Stedman writes of a remote coastal town in Australia and a sequence of events which will affect everyone in the town. The novel is tightly plotted but the writing is so assured that the story moves effortlessly from the opening pages, developing the characters and building the community that they live in.

This is not a book blog and I have no intention of analysing the novel because to do so will spoil the elegant way in which the plot unfolds. However, the basis of the story is grief and particularly the loss of a child which I would like to comment on. Our first daughter, Grace, would have been 25 this week and reading the book brought back memories of the early days of our bereavement, the sense of being completely adrift in a world which made no sense.

Every year as we remember Grace I wonder what she would have become. In my mind she has gone through school and on to university, now at the age of 25 she would have graduated and started her adult life. At the age of 25 I was married and so I imagine that for her too. I cannot really know the person that she would have become or the life that she would have lived but I try to hold onto my sense of who she might have been as a way of remembering her.

I have called this post 'the madness of grief' because in my experience you feel incapable of controlling the intensity of your emotions and that can feel like madness. In retrospect, I wonder if bereavement strips off the protective veneer that we each create to deal with the world we live in, leaving behind the person that you really are, so that it is not madness but humanity that is exposed. It takes courage to face the world exposing our grief and it is the limits of that courage M L Stedman explores so thoughtfully. I look forward to her next novel.

*****

Thank you so much  for your kind and thoughtful comments.
Alicex

Boat Party!!

1.
A perfect evening:
warm, still and cloudless

2.
Three hundred and fifty Geographers,
staff and students, ready to party.

And twenty enormous, surly bouncers.

3.
Setting off from Tower Bridge
we sail upstream to Westminster
and then downstream to the Dome.

4.
The Shard looks spectacular...
it was a case study for a recent PhD...

5.
There are blue framed shades, black lace dresses,
cream wedding shoes on a trial run, tweed flat caps.

6.
The finalists tell me their plans for the future:
postgraduate studies, job applications, careers.

7.
The second years tell me about their summers:
jobs, travel, dissertation research.

8.
The first years tell me about their memories:
freshers week, Spain, halls, tutorials.

9.
I thank the GeogSoc committee:
Sam, Martha, Hannah, Will, Becca, Izzy and Abi,
their hard work and imagination
has made so many happy memories this year.

10.
There is dancing.

11.
A sunset to remember for a lifetime.
Every shade of red, orange and gold.

12.
Here I am with the lovely Natalie:
PhD student, rugby fanatic and dear friend.

I catch a late train home from Waterloo
and I am looked after all the way
by students who make sure I get home safely.

And that was the loveliest thing of all.

Bento #9

Let's talk summer Bento

*Serious Face*

Just a simple little Moroccan feast today
Stuffed peppers, spicy couscous
and green salad with pea shoots.
Casual.

Did I stuff my own peppers?
Errr...no.
Why would I want to do that?

Goats cheese.
Cranberry toasts.
*yawn, yawn*
"Same old, same old" I hear you cry.
!!surprise!!
home grown thyme!
Bet you weren't expecting that!

Ripe nectarine with raspberries.
And purple viola.
What???
Doesn't everyone
have flowers
in their lunchbox?
I'm shocked.

Food safety is important during the summer.
I have a fridge in my office
but if you don't you should read this post.

Me - I'm holding off on the fresh seabass ceviche
until it cools down again.

*****

I'm eating this with MissM...
she is advising me what to wear tomorrow
to a poetry book launch in Acton.

I don't even know where Acton is.

Raspberry Ripple cake

Have I mentioned the Examiners' cakes yet?

Today I made Raspberry Ripple cake
which was like an inside out trifle.
(I thought of you, Gina!)

The Assistant Registrar attending the meeting
was astonished at the concept of a cake break.
I explained that it was a tradition.
He didn't complain.

I've been making cakes for the Examiners for five years now.
That's long enough to be a tradition.
(And they're worth it.)

A late entry from MissM

What's this I hear about a Cute Off?

Here is my entry:

'The orphan foal who was saved by a teddy bear'

It is a knockout blow.

MrsM and MasterM accept defeat.

*****

Don't panic if you are missing the china,
bento boxes, visiting cats
and moaning about ironing
normal blogging service will resume tomorrow...

The Battle of Cute

It's Wednesday evening
and MrsM settles down to
a brutal session of internet warfare
with MasterM in South Africa,
no holds barred.

MasterM opens with the dog/cake gambit:

MrsM responds hard with puppies,
lots and lots of puppies.

it's a strategic move
she knows it's too early to win...

MasterM cranks it up,
he's feeling confident now...
he thinks he can force MrsM
to play her winning card

MrsM brings out the piglet in socks...

surely this is Top Cute?

But no...

MasterM spins in his response:

the sad spaniel puppy

MasterM wins The Battle of Cute.

Again.

the view from here

it's busy
but good busy

MissM is coming home
MrM is buying guide books
for an exciting week away
MrsM is pondering colours
for an adorable garden house
the exams are finishing soon
and the visiting cat
loves our garden

I'm grateful

GeogSoc Brownies

MrsM wakes to the sun streaming through the gaps in her bedroom curtains. "Today is the day!" she thinks "Today is the day to make the famous GeogSoc Brownies."  She leaps out of bed and is in her kitchen in the twinkling of an eye. Dark chocolate! White chocolate! A tray of raspberries! Everything is present and correct and she is ready to start.

There is much melting of chocolate, beating of eggs and sifting of flour - it is all very satisfying.  Soon the kitchen is filled with delicious chocolatey smells and MrsM wonders why she does not bake before breakfast more often. The brownies take slightly longer to cook than the recipe states but they are out of the oven in plenty of time to take to work.

MrsM looks at the tray of chocolatey goodness and realises that if she gives them all to the Exams officers they will probably both have heart attacks before the exam period is finished. For their own wellbeing and to ensure that the exam process is unaffected she sends an email out to the Department announcing the opportunity to sample the famous GeogSoc brownies. After five minutes MrsM remembers that she has not taken a photograph of the brownies. Alas, it is too late - they are all gone - only a few crumbs remain

*****

This recipe was given to me by Ally, a finalist who is a very talented baker. Can you see that she customised the recipe card? Isn't that lovely!

The GeogSoc brownies feature in this post and are particularly delicious because the raspberries cut the sweetness of the chocolate. Next time I make this recipe I will use a larger, shallower tin and I estimate that the cooking in my oven will be 40 mins at 160 fan. If you use a 20cm by 20cm tin as in the recipe you will need to cook for up to an hour. Use a cocktail stick and test a corner section because this is most likely to be baked  first and the stick should come out clean - this will give you an idea what the centre should look and feel like when you test with the stick.

jelly bean therapy

Sunday

MrM
Who ate all the jelly beans?
MrsM
I thought we shared everything
halfsy/halfsy?
MrM
That doesn't apply to jelly beans.

Monday

MrM
Oh! Lots of jelly beans!
MrsM
Leave them alone
They are mine!
MrM
I thought we shared everything
halfsy/halfsy?
MrsM
You said that didn't apply
to jelly beans.

The memory of MrM's disappointed face
remains with MrsM
as she carefully constructs her
her innovative analysis
of the vivid colour spectrum
of the neo-Impressionists.

When she has finished taking photos
MrsM selects her favourite colours
and then gives the rest to MrM
thereby demonstrating a courageous
deconstructionist response
to her artistic environment.

Apologies if you were expecting
a detailed exposition
of the history of my relationship to
'The Red Beach' by Matisse
or a profound statement on
the human struggle against adversity.

It's not that sort of blog.

*** for Jen ***
x