(just for the record)

The Periodic Departmental Review

1.
It is a very, very serious occasion.
There are a panel of eight visitors
assessing the student experience
in the Department.
It happens once every five years.

2.
MrsM delivers a car-load of paperwork
in stylish dark red lever arch files
that she has purchased specially.

3.
MrsM agonises about what to wear.
She wants to look like a proper Administrator.
She notes that the Head of Department
is wearing his Serious Tie.

4.
The Technical Operations Manager
organises the room for maximum efficiency;
Lovely Jenny displays her best posters;
MrsM pimps the noticeboard outside.

5.
Groups of students are interviewed,
Academic Staff are interviewed,
The Head of Department is interviewed
and then the panel retires
to consider its verdict.

6.
At the end of the two days
the staff of the Department
are invited in to hear the initial outcome.
The Vice-Principal, who has a reputation
for being fierce, is smiling.
It is rather unnerving

7.
The Vice-Principal reads the summary
"There is a culture of excellence here.
Academic, Technical and Administrative staff
working hard to ensure that students
get the best possible experience."
And MrsM is so very, very proud
of the dedication of her colleagues.

8.
In a long list of commendations
the Vice Principal praises
the innovative use of social media.
And MrsM is secretly thrilled
because this one is her project.

9.
The Head of Department turns to his staff
and says
"Thank you, Team."

10.
After the panel of visitors leave
The Head of Department takes the leftover cakes
and stands in the foyer
handing them out to students.

11.
MrsM goes back into the committee room
and eats all the remaining twiglets
The shame of it.

12.
And then the Head of the Department,
and MrsM and everyone else go the pub.