Tuesday, 3 December 2013

(just for the record)


MrsM attends her first 'Occasion'.

1.
The venue is very grand:
sweeping staircase - check
chandeliers - check
ceiling moulding - check.

2.
Preparations involve WD40.
The door hinges do not squeak
but the room smells pleasantly like a shed.

3.
MrsM's new manager is distraught.
She points to the speakers' chairs
and says "But I wanted ARMCHAIRS".
MrsM looks at the chairs with arms
and retreats tactfully to a safe distance.

4.
Intense discussions with the nice A/V man.
MrsM resists temptation to say
"Yes.
Whatever it was you suggested.
I don't understand
but I am sure you know
what you are talking about."


5.
The Chair of the debate has not arrived.
The Director looks anxious - he is the understudy.

6.
*Bizarre Interlude*
A lady dressed head to toe in bright pink
wanders in from the street
"because it is warmer in here".
Pink Lady starts to discuss in detail
her Hindu Pagan beliefs.
The no-nonsense Australian colleague
politely escorts Pink Lady back to street.

*****

7.
The two Eminent Speakers
try earnestly and politely
to disagree. And fail.

8.
MrsM is handed a roving microphone
Panic!
MrsM does not know how to turn it on.
The questions are on the other side of the room.
Relief!

9.
Significant quantities of savoury snacks
are carried straight past MrsM.
MrsM notes she must work harder
at networking in the kitchen.

10.
MrsM escorts a very elegant elderly lady
in the disabled lift.
It has a reputation for being temperamental.
MrsM prays hard all the way
and arrives safely.

11.
MrsM is very, very glad
she does not have to wash up the wine glasses.
There are a lot.

12.
At the end of the day
MrM is waiting outside
and walks along Pall Mall with MrsM
to a smart dinner.
Which is very nice.

15 comments:

  1. great post! aren't "firsts" in new jobs scarey!!! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely! So many mistakes to make for the first time. Like photocopying upside down - wont do that again.

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  2. Not bad for your first foray.
    I feel obliged to mention, as the Manager of Corporate Events, that it is imperative that you inform the manager of any and all venues hired that your wine glass must always be full. How much of it you drink is entirely on your shoulders. This also applies to any passed "bites."



    I am available for consults.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me and the canapé guy are going to be besties before the next reception.

      Delete
  3. Oh I can see this is going to be as interesting and as entertaining as the geographers were.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The Pink Lady sounds fantastic.
    But I would have loved to see the Australian colleague's face.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What IS Pagan Hinduism? It sounds like an impossible combination. Perhaps she was a lipstick pink druid.

      Delete
  5. what a glamorous life you lead - glad to know you are not as confident as you appear

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glamorous on the surface maybe but scrabbling like fury underneath.

      Delete
  6. so tell me. is the wd40 part of a supersized emergency kit that you carry at all times? I am most impressed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Doesn't everyone carry WD40 in their handbag?

      Delete
  7. Oh, roving microphones, the very thought strikes fear in my heart.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I should have had an exclusion clause in my contract - huge mistake.

      Delete
  8. Were you exhausted at the end of it?

    Pink Lady would have made my day!

    ReplyDelete

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