Tuesday, 25 May 2010

Trouble at t'mill

The Examinations Officer looks shocked
and the Deputy Examinations Officer looks anxious.

The evidence is indisputable.

The Examinations Officer walks back to his office,
composing a steely email in his head
that he *might send to all academic staff.

Dear All,
This morning, it was discovered that the Examiners' biscuits had been taken without their consent. I am disappointed to report that the situation is even more serious than would appear at first sight because the chocolate biscuits have been taken from the second layer before the boring biscuits on the first layer have been finished. This is a very serious breach of discipline. It is unacceptable and must not be repeated.

While I have had no objection – so far – to colleagues using the Examiners' room, it is vital that you understand that the biscuits have been purchased for the sole use of the Examinations Officer and his Deputy.

I trust I will not have to write again about this matter.
The Examinations Officer

(*but, of course, he didn't send it...
Examinations are serious matters...
there must be no accusations of levity...
or the remotest suspicion of frivolity.)

MrsM hurries out to the shops and buys more chocolate biscuits .


  1. AnonymousMay 25, 2010

    You need to call in the forensic team. Only a very clever biscuit thief can leave the scene of the crime without some identifying evidence remaining...

  2. In the words of my 4 year old... "is that real life?"

  3. It must have been the guy who just robbed the Paris National Museum. Seems it was the same master job. He goes only for the BEST.

  4. well done MrsM, saved the day again - all part of the job description

  5. "The Examinations Officer watched as Mrs M picked up her handbag and strode forth to purchase more biscuits. He was rather glad that he hadn't mentioned the ever so slightly noticeable smear of chocolate at the corner of her mouth.............."


  6. Gasp! To break into the second layer!! This thief is clearly a moral degenerate, I should think they might even be the sort of person who leaves empty After Eight wrappers in the box, thus giving the owner of the box a false sense of security.

  7. I am not at all clear from the first sentence as to who is giving the consent - the examiners or the biscuits. This sort of terminological inexactitude is to be deplored ... forthwith.

  8. CSI Oxbridge required.

  9. Now, see, *I* would have removed all the biscuits from their original container and placed them on a dish to mask the missing ones.
    But, then again, *I* am an Executive Assistant and have access to dishes.
    (As opposed to others in *my* office.)

  10. Have you ever read Terry Pratchett? The faculty of wizards at the Unseen University are awfully familiar..

    Perhaps you should just follow the crumbs?

  11. AnonymousMay 25, 2010

    OCD ? Obsessive Crumb Disorder ?

  12. Eating the bottom layer before the full unveiling can take place? That's very, very low.


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