Wednesday, 19 June 2013

In the Therapist's Chair


An Old Woman Cooking Eggs
Velazquez (1618)

So, MrsM, why have you asked for an urgent appointment? I understand that difficult issues have arisen overnight - is that correct? From what you have said it is something to do with a spoon? I must admit I fail to see how a spoon could trigger an episode of panic leading to a major self examination. Let's take this step by step...the evening started normally - yes? You were cooking supper for your family - and a guest - nothing out of the ordinary. Your daughter and the guest set the table - stop me if you are starting to feel uncomfortable - and you all sit down. What happens at this point? You look down and what do you see? Calm down, MrsM, calm down and take it slowly. You see a spoon but it is not YOUR spoon. You always have the same spoon and somehow the wrong spoon has been set for you. Is there anything special about this spoon? Does it have magical powers? Do you have an unusually shaped hand that only this spoon will fit? No. It is clear to me that you are being unreasonable but your family have always humoured you. MrsM, I must tell you that you are old enough to be adaptable to a range of spoons and you need to face up to that fact so we will start immediately with cognitive behavioural therapy and hypnosis. Now...how are you getting on with the other little issue of drinking out of non blue and white mugs?

29 comments:

  1. Oh dear yes I recognise this syndrome by proxy. I have a friend who will only drink out of 'her' special blue coffee mug when she stays here. I once absently mindedly put her coffee into another equally nice cup on the morning of an exam. I quickly learnt that I would have to rectify this gross error as she would certainly fail the exam if I did not. She is not willing to even consider therapy.

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    1. My side of the bed is of course non-negotiable. But that's normal right?

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    2. I can remember seeing a film where the man was on the Wrong Side Of The Bed - it was definitely a mistake. How could he strike out at intruders if his sword arm was in the middle of the bed?

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    3. I have to agree, wherever I am, my side of the bed is.....my side of the bed. Is it something to do with being near the window away from the door, because it always is, no matter which 'side' I end up on as a result. I like to think it's the maternal role next to the children in the cave whilst the father guards the entrance?

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  2. Oh Alice - I too have a special spoon - well two of them the same in the drawer actually which is just as well as daughter number one seems to have caught a similar malady - I have to carry out a full body search each time she returns to Herts to ensure the spoons stay in Somerset

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    1. Anne - we must have been separated at birth! The thought of my spoon leaving the premises fills me with horror.

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  3. I smiled at this as I thought of how Stewart always has the same knife and fork. Of course he says that is ridiculous but he will always change it if we set the wrong one. And now of course you all know we do not have matching everyday cutlery

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    1. Boho chic is the correct term for asymmetric cutlery.

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  4. It took me a while to train my husband that one mug was for coffee, another for tea. I got there eventually.

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    1. I am too embarrassed to admit the rules about mugs.

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  5. AnonymousJune 19, 2013

    This is of course an inherited problem. I can only eat breakfast cereal with an Exeter hallmarked silver spoon rescued from it's role as a stirrer in a pot of paint in the Helston branch surgery.

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    1. Thank goodness I can blame someone else!

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  6. Vexation after vexation...how are we expected to remain sane??

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    1. It is the rest of the world which is mad so I try in my inadequate way to help by imposing order.

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  7. Liz in Missouri, USAJune 19, 2013

    heeheeheehee (I SO get this!)

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    1. In my defence it is a very nice spoon.

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  8. Aiming for a Ciceronian praetermittio ... this is probably not the time to mention MrsM's requirement for a personal orange peeler ... (I suppose if it was for grapes I could count this as my raisin d'etre)

    now where's that coat of mine ?

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    1. Off to the naughty step for ten minutes.

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  9. I am so in sympathy with you on this subject. I also have my knife and my fork and my special soup bowl.

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    1. A special soup bowl...now why didn't I think of that?

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  10. What an appallingly unprofessional therapist. Did they not realise the emotional distress of having to use inappropriate crockery or utensils. I myself can only drink coffee from my special speckled Denby mug and herbal tea from either of my Cath Kidston mugs. My sister still has 'her mug' at my aged parents. You have my full sympathy.

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    1. I'm too embarrassed to describe the rules about mugs here - suffice to say we even have a Lemsip mug.

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  11. I now feel free to admit that I become unhinged if served a dish containing more than 1 (one) shape of pasta.

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    1. Nooo...please don't tell me that anyone actually does that.

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  12. I just want to add that now I am finally outed, I love your blog entries. They make me feel so 'normal'.

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    1. Oh dear terrij...if my posts exploring the eccentricities of family life make you feel normal that is slightly worrying...

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  13. I feel so dull.
    I do have my place at the table...does that count?

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    1. *sigh*

      You can't be an eccentric diva if all you want out of life is a place at the table. I am afraid you will have to work harder if you want to move out of the 'normal person' category.

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