Tuesday, 9 August 2011

The New Sofa

Marriage a la Mode : The Toilette
William Hogarth


No sitting, lying or standing on the arms.

Ice lolly sticks, olive stones and grape pips
must not be hidden down the sides.

Wine glasses should not be balanced
on books on the arms.

Darning needles and dressmaking pins
must not be 'stored' on the arms.

Pizzas, Chinese and Indian takeaways
chocolate biscuits and peanut butter on toast
must not be eaten.

Ribena, Coca-Cola, Irn Bru, Pimms
and other highly coloured beverages
must not be drunk.

No wrestling.

No jumping.

Wellington Boots must be removed.

MrsM gets first choice of where to sit.


  1. ooooh, Ribena....with a little gin.

  2. I kid you not, I read #10 as MR.M gets first choice of where to sit. I thought at last, one concession to the man of the house, tho I guess he is not the needling darning sort. Enjoy! Hope it is big enough for a good nap and squishy.

  3. Oh joy, oh rapture..is this a new couch, divan, sofa or chesterfield?
    No matter, it's all good and wonderful and so exciting to have a new "one". Trust me. As the recipient of endless cast offs and the mother of two boys, I can attest to the thrill of a virgin settee. Whoo!
    May I also suggest that no chewed and half digested chicken legs be sequestered between the arms and cushions? Trust me, it has been done...with a bit of banana too.
    I am truly happy for you.

  4. Basically what this tells me is that you people eat and drink a lot of really yummy stuff at your house. I'll be right over (but will sit far from the new sofa)...

  5. I had the pin habit until I found a wonderful thing called a sofa pincushion (made to order by Amy at During Quiet Time). And I was very tempted by a sofa in the sales until I came home and remembered that we now have a new puppy with very sharp teeth who is continuing on with the damage wreaked by the last puppy. I have visions of me eventually sitting on a heap of sticks surrounded by dog hair.

    Pomona x

  6. Sounds like when we got our new car, however all rules have since been broken. I keep wanting to recover our rather dark and squishy suite in a lovely pale linen, then I look down at our new dog, reality.

  7. Is #6 universal or specific to consumption on the couch?

    Pomona? You have described my home.

  8. MrM used to stand in his wellies on the arms of your old sofa??? Wow! I am impressed.

  9. Points #4 and 10 are the most important and 4 made me smile particularly

  10. A lovely fantasy, I fear.....

    My rules have been condensed to the point where there is really only one: NO LABRADORS on the sofa. Oddly, it's the Lovely Son who breaks this rule, and the dog who gets the telling-off.

  11. 3, 4, and 5 ae constantly broken in this house, although we have pale blue and cream upholstry. I don't think I have to worry about 93 yr old Mother-in-law breaking rules 7, 8 or 9 but one never knows!

  12. I wonder just how long the rules will be observed? Good luck anyway!

  13. I used to try to impose such rules... my little fantasy in my house of four boys and a dog. happy Birthday to Thomas for yesterday.

  14. We got a new couch recently too, but I'm a fatalist, I told the man at the store I was looking for a couch to destroy.

  15. Your no.10 is my no.1

    And you know, deep down, you should show it to us.

  16. It sounds like a very fancy sofa. I'm guessing it might be light-colored. With impressive arms. The best seat is always the one near the endtable with the best light. That's the one we fight over.

  17. i agree with Lynn's assessment. And, may i suggest that you have installed: an "eject" feature, with remote control.

  18. It's G, and not the dog, who leaves enduring marks on the upholstery. Since he's not trainable, I now accept that whatever happens, happens.

  19. I think people must be allowed to hide coins down the side of the sofa, because finding them is a favourite pastime of mine.

  20. So perfectly right. The new sofa will look lovely for a long time but will not have the spillage of memories on it ..like the old one.
    I can't throw away my old one. It really is only fit for the tip with sprouting arms and sagging seat, but its deep buttoning is full of the fluff of my life!


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