Wednesday, 15 December 2010

First Aid for Geographers

Baines and Humphrey killing a crocodile
© Royal Geographical Society with IBG

O People of Blogland
do you remember the mad sock man?
I bring good tidings!
The mad sock man has an older brother
and he comes out of the wilderness
to teach First Aid to Geographers.

Wilderness Man wears three shades of sand:
Gobi sand trousers;
Kalahari sand shirts
and Negev sand waistcoat.
The waistcoat is accessorized with badges multiple
(think of an extreme outdoors organisation
and the badge is there looking weatherbeaten);
carabiners dangle from pockets
and the belt has three pouches of different sizes
which have obviously been hand crafted
from deer? bison? musk ox? that he has shot.
He has different sized multi task tools
for different environments
(city/high altitude/white water rivers)
but they are all useless in comparision
to the handforged knife with carved handle
that has travelled with him since he was a lad.
His mates have all served in Special Forces
and so he can do surgery
using only gaffer tape and pieces of roll mat.
It is a matter of minutes to make a stretcher
out of 40m of rope and some pebbles.

Wilderness Man introduces himself and then begins:
"First, you must assess the scene...
if your casualty has been attacked by a rogue crocodile
you are in immediate danger
and your priority is to send someone with a shotgun
to kill the crocodile and make the scene safe...."


MrsM sighs and leans back in her seat.
At last...a first aid course
that is suitable for her needs.

14 comments:

  1. Gracious me! He is to geographers what Indiana Jones is to archaeologists.

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  2. Do you think we could book him for a class at Crafoberfest next year?

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  3. A gem of a post. Thank you!

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  4. Gosh my husband would love that. But what is a carabiner?

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  5. gosh it makes assessing the scene for traffic or electrical dangers seem so tame....

    although speaking of dangers he sounds like the type of person who'd frighten you to death if you happended upon them on the bus perhaps.... do you think he wears all that stuff, all the time? well you never know what might happen when you're watching strictly I suppose.

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  6. He sounds positively terrifying.

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  7. I do love an expert. So comforting to have every angle covered.

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  8. It is reassuring to know that it is not just me whose mind wanders into the realms of fantasy!. You never know what you might meet!
    Jo

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  9. Emma swoons at Ray Mears.... RAY MEARS?????? Methinks we need to take her in hand.....

    Great post Alice......

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  10. I laughed out loud when I read this and when I clicked through to the mad sock man post I really got the giggles. Thank you for brightening my day.

    I think if you combined Wilderness Man and Mad Sock Man you might get something scarily close to my husband!

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  11. Essential firstaid for all parents of boys (and some girls) of all ages I should think - who knows where you might encounter a crocodile?

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  12. MrsM,
    You are a little nutty.
    I am glad I chanced upon your blog.
    Jenny

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  13. I just love the way you write. I can imagine that man and your description has really made me chuckle. Thanks, again.

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