Tuesday, 8 November 2011

don't mention spandex

MrsM strolls nonchalantly into the designer sports wear shop as though she has been doing it all her life and holds informed conversation with lithe shop assistant wearing extreme lycra. Lithe shop assistant asks MrsM “What sort of runner are you?” MrsM wonders what she is talking about but replies confidently “Improving”. Lithe shop assistant says “Oh! I envy you! I have reached a performance plateau.” MrsM acknowledges this is a problem for all runners and makes gentle, encouraging noises. Lithe shop assistant recommends compression leggings for enhanced muscle tone and MrsM goes into the changing cubicle. The compression feature is significant. MrsM cannot get the leggings off. They are moulded to her legs like spray-on paint. MrsM is absolutely stuck in black spandex. MrsM hears the lithe shop assistant saying "How is the fit? Would you like the High Visibility version?" MrsM panics...there are three options: she can summon MrM from the nearby bookshop, she can ask for help or she can extricate herself. MrsM starts peeling. When MrsM eventually leaves the shop she swings the plastic bag ostentatiously. It was worth the pain because it has a picture of runners on the outside. MrsM plans to reuse it frequently.

28 comments:

  1. :) too funny... it's all about the nonchalance in such situations...

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  2. No good can come of this.

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  3. Lycra maketh the runner so they say.

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  4. This made me laugh out loud.

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  5. It sounds like you got your running gear and your legs de-haired all in one go. :)

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  6. you are so funny. I love reading these little snippets.

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  7. And the good news is: with all the exertion required squeezing in and peeling off, you won't have to bother with the running!

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  8. Miss M will be so proud at your shopping prowess!

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  9. I needed this chuckle.
    Thanks.

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  10. My husband has recently become a runner. He buys special running tops with special features to enhance performance and comfort.

    I distrust any activity which require new clothes.

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  11. very impressed, you are clearly taking the 5K plan seriously.
    and think of the added uses of the spandex, as magic underwear at glittering Christmas parties, your whole body shape could be transformed by running gear.

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  12. Felicity from Down UnderNovember 08, 2011

    It made me laugh aloud, too. Thank you, I think I needed some hilarity at the end of my working day. Good luck with the running.

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  13. But do you mean you bought them? I'm impressed.

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  14. Oh dear......... Oh dear........... OH dear sweet Alice, this has made me laugh so much............

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  15. Oh, I know that feeling of panic - and in fact I am feeling anxious now at the thought of it! It has happened to me a few times with stuck zips and straining side seams - mainly because I have rather ambitiously tried on the absolute rock bottom bargain size 8s, forgetting that I am an ageing mother of 3 with a rapidly disappearing waist. I think the tension expands the flesh - you have to do some calming deep breathing to shrink yourself out of these things, and cough loudly if there is a sound of ripping thread!

    I am seriously impressed about the lycra, though - I have never dared!

    Pomona x

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  16. You make me laugh.

    I went for a "run" the other day and I fear my bottom wobbled terribly. Spandex, you say ...

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  17. I needed a good laugh this morning. thank you!

    (compression leggings eh? very professional)

    (No 1 wanted a pair of skinny jeans - sigh, it's started already - and like you after he tried them on he just couldn't get them off! Too funny. He had to let his mummy into the changing room... the shame!)

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  18. Can't wait for the spandex ballet run report.

    WV hydri ? hy and dri

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  19. Laughed out loud - thank you :)

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  20. See, this is why I stick to yoga. Running, bah.

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  21. This is hysterical. You handled the "tight situation" beautifully.

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  22. Liz in Missouri (USA)November 08, 2011

    I like your style! :-)

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  23. This made me laugh out loud :o)))

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  24. I'm with Sue and Lucille on this, running is bad for you. So is lycra.

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  25. That was so funny! After I stopped weeping with laughter at the lycra-entrapment, I had to read it aloud to a bemused friend who was wondering what the helplessness was all about....

    Can we see these wondrous leggings?

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  26. Oh dear... the image you have conjured up is just too funny.

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  27. Hmmm. I agree with whoever said "Nothing good can come of this." Better go back to the strange socks man.

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  28. Compression, you say? I like the idea of that. Not so keen on the running part though. Perhaps I could just compress and swing the bag with runners, and skip the actual running part.

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