Tuesday, 18 September 2012

Sock Operations Executive

Today we have reached a new low:
thirty unmatched black socks.
All leave is cancelled until this crime is solved.

We need to understand the modus operandi:
When does separation occur?
Before or after the laundry basket?
If so, where are the matching socks?
What is the process that divides them?
Do the single socks have shared characteristics?

We need to understand motive:
Is it malicious or accidental
Is it a cry for help?
It it the result of a deprived background?
Is it part of a criminal empire?

We must interrogate our conclusions,
sometimes it is not the obvious suspect,
it might be a clever counter-deception plot
with someone trying to plant the evidence.

I think that there is a pattern
which will lead us to the criminal
which will only be revealed
by doing vector analysis.
Pass the lipstick.


with apologies to the creators of
The Bletchley Circle


  1. Oh very good Alice. I have to admit that the separation of socks in the laundry has never been an issue in my house.

    I am enjoying The Bletchley Circle despite its improbable plot. Love Rachel Stirling's beautiful voice.

  2. I'm afraid that we dispose of the bodies after a time. We are currently at 15 sad looking socks. All seem to belong to the younger set. Do children eat their socks?

  3. Didn't you know MrsM that the sock manufacturers make one of each pair water-biodegradable after a specific number of washes - your socks are doomed to be singletons from here on in

  4. It's one of life's mysteries, that's what it is.

  5. I am clearly undomesticated.
    I am failing to grasp what the problem is.
    they are all black.....

  6. But they will be different shades of black, driftwood.

  7. I'm slightly embarrassed to say that is this were Facebook - I would be "Like"ing all these comments.

  8. well, you see MY situtation is not that different. I took Mr M's socks out of the equation by buying him lots of pair of the same socks. Problem solved there.

  9. Are any of them the pair to the 15 black socks I have? Terry Patchett invented a sock eating monster - rather like a small elephant, I'm beginning to believe in it.

  10. Now I am wondering how all your socks have turned up in my drawers. The only explanation for the Propagation going on in there.

  11. This is one problem I never had.
    Go figure.

  12. Your missing socks have gone to the same place as all the nearly new biros from our house...

  13. I don;t have that problem, or that many socks.

    Is the Bletchley thing worth watching? I live quite close to Bletchley Park but have yet to visit...

  14. somewhere
    i can hear
    socks, giggling.

  15. I obviously don't have your high standards... thirty single black socks just makes fifteen pairs... problem solved.

  16. So loving the Bletchley Circle - Thursday night bliss along with Wartime Farm.
    Spare socks must be punished - cut them up for stuffing - toys not roast chicken obviously.

  17. All right -- I want to watch that show. And, my advice is -- throw them all out and start over, but only buy one kind of sock.

    You're welcome.

  18. You have brought up the problem that I have always had.
    I have concluded that the married socks in our household dissolve their union. One runs off to find herself and write a book, and do I get any of the revenue from the book or movie? The other climbs a mountain and plants a flag to prove his manhood, or one or the other stays behind and moodily lies lonely and bereft in the drawer of unattachment (sp?) and loneliness.
    And, I ask you, who has one foot to be embraced by the single sock?
    It's a mystery and a sad, sad story.
    Bless the socks that are committed to one another. They give us hope and inspiration.

  19. To preserve pairings of socks you must count them in (to the washing basket, into the washing machine) and count them out (of the washing machine, onto the washing line or clothes airer, HANGING THEM TOGETHER IN PAIRS) and finally into the "people piles."
    If nothing else in life I am at least successful with maintaining pairs of socks.
    Now has anyone a method of stopping big toes from wriggling holes in socks?

  20. I think your socks have gone on holiday. Well that's what my socks do and may be yours are holidaying here in Aus as I seem to have some that I haven't seen before, or just can't remember as its been a while. They'll return one day, probably when their other half has left home. Let me know if you see any of mine, or just give them a good home for a while.

  21. does it matter if they are all black?


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