Wednesday, 20 October 2010

The Four Year Plan

Project Initiation
What we've got to do is get round a table
and put together a solution package -
perhaps over tea and biscuits.

Division of Responsibilities:
Hey, this is mine. That's mine.
All this is mine.
I'm claiming all this as mine.
Except that bit.
I don't want that bit.
But all the rest of this is mine.

Strategic Analysis
We have three realistic alternatives:
Sit here and get blown up,
Stand here and get blown up,
Jump up and down,
shout at me for not being able to think of anything,
then get blown up.

Resource Allocation
Hey, I got it!
We laser our way through!?

Operations Manager
Ah, an excellent suggestion, Sir,
with just two minor drawbacks.
we don't have a power source for the lasers,
we don't have any lasers.

Forward Planning
Well, if you've got some amazing secret plan
up your sleeve
now's the time to mention it.

You're going to go with one of my plans?
Are you nuts?
What happens if we all get killed?
I'll never hear the last of it.

Action Points
Step up to Red Alert!

Operations Manager
Sir, are you absolutely sure?
It does mean changing the bulb.

[with apologies to the talented writers of Red Dwarf]


  1. Is that art imitating life or life imitating art? Sometimes a departmental worklife is like a skit and I never know which came first. It's like the chicken and egg all over again...

  2. Why a four year plan ?? Sounds curiously precise. What's wrong with the traditional Five Year Plan for the greater good ?

  3. Ooh the man with the paper looks very serious I think maybe 4 years is underestimating the issue!

  4. X-cellent! You just need an economist to jump in after the Operations Manager to say, "Let's assume we have a power source and lasers."


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